Religious War is an Oxymoron

October 9, 2010 at 6:38 am · Filed under just stuff and tagged: 9/11, agnostic, agnoticism, belief, God, holy sepulchre, israel, philosophy, religion, religious wars, spirituality, the old city, world

Mosaic at the Holy Sepulchre, The Old City, Israel, 2010

I was raised in a very Catholic family. My mom has a rosary on her nightstand and an altar on her dresser. She prays every night. My grandmother was the same. My grandmother’s cousin is a Jesuit priest. My aunt is a cloistered nun.

When I was little my family went to church every Sunday. Yet, growing up, I somehow escaped having to go to catechism. Mostly because my dad worked grave shift and my mom didn’t drive (much, or very well, for that matter), and we didn’t live very close to a Catholic school or church at the time.

And so there’s some awkwardness when I attend mass. I know most of the prayers, but not all. I don’t always know the correct responses. It has never really been my comfort zone. I actually feel more at ease praying by myself. It feels more personal. And I feel like I can really talk to God one on one. I pray to Him. I pray to my loved ones who have passed. I ask for strength and guidance. I usually pray at night in bed. I pray until I fall asleep.

I’ve never felt comfortable with organized religion. It’s not that I don’t believe. It’s just that I’ve tried several different churches and I find that I never really fit in.

But, on a recent business trip to Israel, I had quite an experience. I visited the Old City. I entered the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. A wave of emotion came over me when I touched the stone where it was said Jesus was laid after he was taken down from the cross. As I knelt down and placed my hand on it, I felt what I can only explain as an instant surge of energy that made be break down in tears.

I am spiritual. I do believe. I just find it hard to confine myself to rules and rituals–especially those I don’t agree with. I can’t do all or nothing. So I guess I’ll always be stuck in-between.

Belief is a funny word

I went to Santa Clara University–a Jesuit-run institution– but not because it was Catholic. I soon found Jesuits are very open-minded and liberal. As part of a well-rounded education they require Philosophy courses. Interestingly enough, many of the works studied are centered around proving God’s existence.

I distinctly remember one professor. He was a very tall, thin African man with a sharp accent. “To say you believe in something is like saying nothing at all,” he said in his deep voice  He went on to explain, by definition, believing is to have confidence in the truth, existence, or reliability of something without having any proof at all. He ended with a slow, steady laugh. He then put his hand on his long chin and rubbed it up and down. When he opened his mouth to speak again he went on to say, “That’s also what makes belief even more powerful. It’s taking a leap of faith in something you cannot know for certain is true.” He rubbed his chin once more and let out a few more slow, deep laughs and left us with that thought.

I was also required to take religious studies courses. While they had classes like Introduction to the Christian Tradition I and II, I chose alternative courses. Two books that still sit on my shelf are “Magic, Witchcraft, and Religion” and “Culture, Religion, and the Sacred Self.”

I guess, as far as religion goes, I’ve never really been interested in the what or the how, but why. I learned about the origins of religions. I learned about the role spirituality played in different cultures and societies. It was so fascinating. Even now I’m drawn to books on religion.

My personal revelations

The philosophy of religion left me very confused for many years. I majored in English. I did my senior thesis on Emily Dickinson. Like Dickinson, at the time, I also considered myself an agnostic. The take-aways from my religious studies courses contributed to my agnosticism. But, in the long run, they also gave me an understanding and respect for all religions in all cultures. For that I am always grateful.

I learned that all religions serve the same purposes:

• To explain why we are here. Each has a story of origin.
• To explain what happens after we die.
• To help us cope in times of despair.
• To give us a code of conduct to live by.

What I still don’t understand

What still perplexes me (and maybe it shouldn’t), is why people of different religions talk negatively about other faiths, or insist they are the chosen ones and all others are doomed. If religion teaches us to be good and to love and help one another, why are religions always fighting? Once a religious strife is started, why do they go on an on and become permanent feuds?

I could never understand why one religion would speak badly about another. I’ve walked out of more than one church where this has happened. There are a handful of major world religions and hundreds of thousands of sects or deviations from them–usually because someone didn’t agree with some aspect or had their own prophecy or vision. So they began preaching a different message of God. That being said, all religious doctrines can be and are left open to interpretation, as they have been written and re-written by man.

Different sects have also been formed for personal gain. King Henry the Eighth of England separated from the Catholic Church and formed the Anglican Church just so that he could divorce his wife.

There are fundamentalist religions that want to establish totalitarian rule and lash out against secularism. There’s age-old antisemitism. And, I don’t understand why the West is viewed as the “Devil” by many Islamists and Muslims. But, then, I don’t live in their shoes and I don’t fully understand their economic and religious strife. I could try to understand this more. I want to understand more.  I wonder, would it make any difference? There’s so much intertwined with politics and economics. There’s so much history. To cover every angle would be compelling and exhausting.

9/11 Memorial Museum visit in 2007

Photos of victims. 9-11 Museum, NYC.

What I do know is killing innocents is senseless. There’s a corner in the 9/11 Memorial Museum near ground zero. Each wall is filled with hundreds and hundreds of photos of the 9/11 victims. There’s a bench in the middle of the room. I sat there and was flooded with emotion. I couldn’t stop crying even though I didn’t know anyone who died during the attack.

And I ask why God, why any God, would allow something like this to happen over and over again? But, there’s no answer. Just trust and belief there is a reason, and that we must forgive and move on.

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